10 things I wish I knew before pursuing a career in music as a 25 Year Old (Part 1)
Being a career changer opens up multi-disciplinary skills but also self-doubt.
Counternarratives newseltter aims to support Black, PoC or Neurodivergent backgrounds who don’t have access to the bank of “Mom and Dad” with their own artistic journeys as share my own journey. I hope that as you continue reading this that you take up space and create counternarratives against any self-doubt, pressure or shame.
My earliest moment singing in public, was when I was cast as Angel Gabriel at the age of 9. My music teacher would rehearse with me after school. I never really felt nervous, only just before. At 25 years, I know that feeling was excitement (more details about this on my TikTok). But I also remember feeling shame, when one fellow student who wasn’t happy that I got the role and spent time telling me about it. My vocal cords constricted, as I felt I couldn’t take up space.
1. Social Support System ≈ Nervous System
The feeling of not being able to take up space, especially as a Black Neurodivergent Woman hasn’t fully disappeared. At times, it feels like a tug of war between the inner child, who wants to wonder and dream vs misgnoiristic and ableist expectations.
When you are anchored in yourself and also have a support system you can win that tug-of-war. Jackie, my childhood friend gave me comfort when I was distraught and felt unworthy of my role as Angel Gabriel. Like Jackie, my social support system of friends, family, youth workers and mentors, has helped me to be the artist I am. From micro-acts to just being themselves.
“Drown out the noise”, George the Poet on Summer in Ends by Juls, Ft Jaz Karis and George the Poet.
A social support system is not just about the relationships you have with individuals but the access to shared resources. I grew up on a council estate in South West London. Community resources such as my youth club, regenerate, lyric theatre programme and free/ cheap summer dance programmes in school kept me creatively curious and challenged. Protecting creatives for young people is vital for our society.
When my nervous system rebooted
I didn’t see music/creativity as a viable career path at 18, I wanted to escape ends so pursued other interests. I have worked in so many roles throughout uni and after such as nursey assistant, shop assistant, civil servant and community manager.
After leaving my 9-5 due to burnout. I decided to be a freelancer in the creative industry working with Babes on Waves and South London Gallery. I also received the Ivor Novello Scholarship to study at the Wrd and the Youth Next Gen Fund Grant.
Side note: In the UK a lot of artist programmes mainly go up to 25 (unless you are disabled - up to 30 years) during the artistic development stage. Which I think can be quite limiting especially since the pandemic wildly disrupted many young people’s lives.
As part of my Youth Next Gen Fund, I am creating content that aims to support Black, Poc or Neurodivergent backgrounds for their own artistic journeys as share my own. I hope as you continue reading this that you take up space and create counternarratives against any self-doubt, pressure or shame. But first, let’s get acquainted.
2. Black Female Tenors (Contralto) can take up space too !
I attended an all-girls catholic secondary school that was multi-ethnic but predominately white (especially more so as I entered sixth form). I remember fondly a teacher telling me “to sing higher”. What she missed with all her years of training is that my voice is not a soprano, or mezzo but a contralto.
Again, my vocal cords constricted.
No space was given, for me to sing as I can. Gender performative narratives that women should be high singers, and men should be low singers is BS. Jonathan McReynolds, bless’ the mic every time he sings. Lalah Hataway quite literally harmonizes with her own voice, whilst smoothly providing honey notes.
Thank God, for my Gospel choir teacher. I was so excited for Wednesdays after school, what song were we going to learn? But also I really loved her vocal warm-ups.
“We Are Marching Over To Jerusalem, Jerusssaleeem, Jerussalllem” by Masimba Edenga Gospel Singers
I remember the first day, seeing so many Black students like me gathered in creating beautiful music. Moving onto Uni, being part of Gospel choirs - having a T-Squad (Tenor Squad) was also freeing.
It’s so freeing to see singers like Baby Rose, a fellow Contralto making beautiful and unique music despite being bullied for her deep voice.
Black Women can at times be masculinised due to misogynoir. (Check out Shanspeare’s dissection of this). Desirability politics played at the back of my mind for a long time. I didn’t want to pursue music as I feared a lack of acceptance in interpersonal and wider society. Troops like “scary spice” a nickname created by a journalist for Mel B of the Spice Girls are misgonioristic (racists and sexist at the same time). Growing up in this media narrative, left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Fast forward to the 2020’s, these narratives are still put on Black Artists via social media. Featurism Ari Lennox has experienced, the Fataphobia Lizzo has experienced hurts but doesn’t define them.
I have been soaking myself in literature and media from Audre Lorde, bell hooks and Lizzo’s Watch out for the Big Grllls to feel empowered that I can take up space without having to change myself.
“Giving the Girls Diana Ross”, Ari Lennox, Outside from Age/Sex/Location
3. Jams aren’t spotlight performances but everyone loves honey notes and lyrical elevation
I remember the day so well, sitting in the sunshine in Hilly Fields with Sarah. Taking up the vibrations of Babylon Chantdown. I hadn’t seen a creative space like this before, so explicitly engaged with the Black Lives Matter Movement.
What led me to start singing again (in public), was that I had something to say. This jam/festival gave me space to express how racial injustice impacted my emotions, without feeling like I had to hold my tongue.
I opened up the notes, app using the “Better Days are on the way” singing prompt from Eddie’s house, my first ever jam that I attended.
I really enjoyed just being able to immerse myself in everyone’s contributions. This was the start of attending jams more than dances/club nights. Straight pocket to Orii Jam to Peng Femme Jam. How many beautiful experiences I have been able to witness and take part in?
The impact of Jams, for me, has helped me to craft how my melodic narratives and to be part of an ensemble. I feel like it’s vital for musicians to take part in jams - because you’ll meet long-time friends, collaborators and technical knowledge challenges. Don’t believe me? Watch this clip from Orii Jam I put on my Tiktok
4. Close the app and make the thing
Elijah said this and not gonna lie it is very hard to do this if you are a Gen Z person who’s lived on the internet for work and socially.
Before embarking on a music career I was a full-time community manager in tech and civil service. I specialised in crafting events, and community experiences on knowledge exchange towards collective goals. A key aspect of my role was managing slack and social spaces. Even when I was emotionally tired, I had to provide a smiley face or tone to engage with members.
When artists are told they need to be viral on TikTok to be successful, what kind of longevity or sustainability are we creating?
Maintaining a social presence online is a job in itself! Amongst the rehearsals, songwriting, grant applications, gigs, and recording sessions. Where can we strike the balance? If you are time-poor because you need to work several jobs and have a social life? When you don’t see friends and family as often because they live far?
My Instagram page has been my Vogue magazine, a way to craft beautiful and funny moments. I have at times turned off Instagram story replies because I was tired of the micro comments and para-socialisation of adult friendships.
Ultimately being everything, everywhere all at once via socials can also be creatively draining if it takes too much time when could be resting or creating. However, sometimes an Instagram ad can align with a goal.. which leads to point 5.
5. Black Music is not a Product, but the way it is scaled is
In October 2022, I was accepted on The Wrd a Creative Entrepunerial Diploma in the music industry with the Ivor’s Academy on a full scholarship. I found out about The Wrd because of an IG ad.
My first essay was about MINDLESS BEHAVIOR (MB) - the R&B Boy Band that anyone who is older than Gen-Z, or Black Femme in the US or UK was obsessed with. As part of my essay, I had to explain different roles within the music industry that helped to craft sound and generate income.
When you listen MB you can hear the influence of New Jack Swing (Boyz II Men, New Edition ) but also how electronic music of the early 2010s impacted their sound. When looking deeper into the infrastructure that launched the band, you can see how understanding the music business is essential for any music creator.
As this topic means a lot to me, I am crafting a longer video essay about this via YouTube. You can watch the shortened first part on my TikTok.
In part 2 of 5 things I wish I knew before pursuing a career in music as a 25 Year Old
I Will cover … finance, Music Production, Reproductive labour, Accessibility and the Psychology of live music.
More next Wednesday!
Great piece Hilla.
Keep it going, move it along.
:)